Honey to Bear

Sept 24, 2025

We broke up last night.

Well, I don’t know if you can even really call it a break up. We decided on the first date that we weren’t compatible long term. I want kids, he wants a vasectomy. There’s no amount of love that can get around our differences there.

Our story of how we met was refreshing. We met at a birthday party of a guy I went on a blind date with less than a week earlier. He stood out to me right away. Tall, sure of himself. Not traditionally handsome, but carried himself with a boy-ish resolve that made up for it.

I asked for his number and the following weekend we found ourselves playing pickleball together and sauntering over to a local cafe afterwards. It felt like a friend hang out more than anything. No pressure for a spark or romance, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel anything for him.

The work week rolled around and he invited my to his place in Oakland to co-work together as we both work remote. I happily obliged as I tend to jump at any excuse to get out of the city. The work hangout bled into dinner into watching TV on the couch into sleeping over. He felt like comfort and safety.

A week later we both found ourselves in Greece, him for a wedding and me for a pilates retreat. While staying in Milos for a few nights before I headed back to San Francisco he spontaneously decided to come to my island and see me. Mind you this was a THREE hour ferry ride for him. I felt honored that he would do that for me. I picked him up from the port, we had dinner, we slept together, I dropped him back off at the port in the early hours of the morning to catch the only ferry to Mykonos. It was such a sweet gesture. I felt worthy. I felt special.

A week later, back in the bay, he texts me to hang out on a random Tuesday. I invited him over as I was so excited to see him again. I could tell something began to change in him as the night dragged on. We had dinner, he showered at my place, and we briefly cuddled in bed. Finally he let it out. Told me he couldn’t do this. Pretend like we’re in a relationship knowing it didn’t have any chance of growing into anything. I was suprised. I thought we were both on the same page. That we were using each other for our bodies before we found our person. Yes, I admit it’s not the most healthy thing in the world but it’s not something I’m a stranger at doing.

Maybe it is for the best that we’re through. I knew if I truly tried with him it would only lead to heartbreak. If he wants someone that will try I can’t fault him for leaving me. I also have a duty to protect my heart. I don’t have ill will towards him. I knew after the first date we weren’t going to work, and I didn’t try to hide that from him. I’m proud of myself for sticking to my truth instead of bending to satisfy his needs. The more I date, the more clear I am on what I’m looking for.